Greeting Cards

So I was at Jewel today getting some cards for my brother's birthday, father's day, and two graduation cards for my cousins. Here's what I discovered: Hallmark doesn't make any father's day cards that don't reference one of the following things...
1) Beer
2) Farts
3) Fixing things
4) Pooping
or that aren't so incredibly sensitive that I started to lactate a little. I had to settle for a card that says "For Father's day I bought you this card" [open card], "This is the inside of it"- disappointment number one. Then I went to look for graduation cards and stumbled upon a whole section of "Happy Preschool Graduation" cards. Some of them had clowns, balloons and cheery encouraging messages inside them. The whole time I kept picturing the card I would give my preschooler upon the momentous occasion of his preschool graduation: "Happy Preschool Graduation Son!" [open card], "Too bad you can't read this"