Does my face scream "Tell me your life story"?

For the past few days I've been running errands to get things organized for the new place. I've been spending so much money its making me physically ill. I can feel my heart rate rising every time they swipe my credit card and every time I sign a receipt I get that sinking feeling in my stomach. Today, however, was too much. Three people at the various stores I went to today gave me way too much information about their lives.

1) Walgreens: Cashier asks me what the wierd sized batteries are for. I respond "my bike speedometer". He proceeds to tell me about his biking career over the past three years. Apparently he trains for century rides and is saving up for a new full carbon racing bike. Ok, this isn't that weird. The guy finds out you're into something he's passionate about, so he makes some small talk. I can live with that.

2) XSportFitness: I go into this gym to find out how much membership is, and I get the whole tour from one of the sales people. At the last stop I meet the gym owner, Tony. You all know exactly what Tony looks like, because he looks exactly like you would expect a gym owner named Tony to look like. He asks me where I'm working. I say Morris IL. He starts to tell me about how he and his wife used to compete down there. I ask (stupidly) what they competed in. Body building. He pulls out a wallet size photo of him and his wife in matching unitards flexing for the camera, and then starts to tell me that he knows a guy who owns Flex gym in Morris and how he's a pretty good guy. I finally escape with a free one week trial membership and an awkward fist pound from Tony. OK, this was strange, but once again, I asked the question. Tony's all right for a gym owner. Plus if I join the gym and we become good friends he can break peoples legs for me. At least this day can't get any weirder.

3) Fry's Electronics: Totally uneventful shopping experience. I go in, find the adapter I need for my computer, go to the check out. "Total is $15.34, credit or debit?" I say credit as I (stupidly) hand over my Purdue Alumni credit card. "Ohhhh you're a Purdue Alumnus eh? Yeah. My uncle went to Purdue. Great school. Yeah he just retired from Intel. He worked there for many years then one day his boss came to tell him he had gotten a promotion and a hefty pay raise. He was making a lot more than most of his coworkers. He used to live in New Jersey but since he retired he's moved down to Georgia to be close to his youngest son. He's got two kids of his own. Haven't had the chance to meet them yet though. He's doing all right for himself I hear. New job and all." I try to walk away after he hands me my bag, forcing a smile and an unenthusiastic "Yeah, small world", but no. "Wait, gotta sign this receipt" I scrawl out a K and an S and briskly leave the counter. I'm starting to think it's me. Do people normally open up this much to total strangers? Am I just a frigid asshole and this is how the rest of the world operates? What do they put in the water in Lisle IL?

As I sit here typing this post, memories of other awkward encounters float to the surface. Barbers with stacks of photographs telling me about the close friend who is dying of stomach cancer and has given him power of attorney over his assets. The hair stylist at master cuts who shared with me her first experience with LSD and psychic readings. The janitor in the ChE building who always told me about her slutty alcoholic sister and how she got them kicked out of bars every weekend. There seems to be a pattern.

I'm now officially working on my mean face...